annanotbob's diary

annanotbob's Diaryland Diary

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You got me so I can't sleep at night

Thank you so much for all the responses to my request for help earlier (please turn back if you are a regular reader, it's only a short post, I promise, and I would value your opinion) - the comments made me feel really excited because now I see there are so many different kinds of reponse and because you are so kind.

I asked Sam, who said, "Hmm. You could - no - well - you could say you were a housewife - no, maybe not..." A housewife? A fucking HOUSEWIFE?????? Jesus H Christ, I haven't heard anybody use that term since the 1970s apart from bloody OLD people, by which I mean much older than me and not six weeks younger. Housewife - married to the fucking house, I should cocoa. I know lots of women who have not worked for various reasons at various times in their lives, incuding myself when my kids were young, but I can't think of one who had any concept of even the word 'housewife' anywhere in her mind, body or spirit. Fucker.

I'm tempted by the response 'take drugs and shag teenagers', but actually my problem is with people I'm starting to like a bit and want to be real with, without too much (scary) information too soon. Jane suggested the 'writer' response a while ago but the only time I used it, it was immediately followed by more questions that I didn't have sensible answers for. And 'what do you do' is an inevitable part of getting to know people. Still, I feel better prepared for the felt-making group on Thursday, especially as I'll have seen H on Wednesday when the next stage is to practise saying some of them out loud - yikes (in a good way, but still YIKES!!!).

I went mental (surely not?) and copied that post and sent it to all sorts of people in my real life, people I trust, but not many of whom know anywhere near as much about the state of my poor head as you guys do. Then I panicked, thought fuck it, had another spliff and wrote a bit more novel. Up to 4006 words, which is my target for the day, but look what it's done to me: