annanotbob's Diaryland Diary

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two wheels on my wagon and I'm still rolling along

Sitting in bed round at my sister's waiting for midnight and the first sentence of my nano novel. Had a bit of a crap day, failing to leave the bedroom till gone five and not in a good way. Ah well. Had a bit of a wobbly about the narrative arc of my life, which apparently is not a novel so has no requirement for anything of a redemptive nature at all. I've been clinging to the fact that I am a person who has been having a bit of a wobble during this middle section of her life, but is due to move on to the next bit, when I'll pick up some kind of professional career and look back on this time with a sense of awed disbelief, as I do now to the days when I lived alone with three small children on twopence a week with two lots of nappies to wash and dry. But I get scared that actually I may always be jittery and reactive rather than proactive. Fucking fireworks - they feel like mini electric shocks, which is just embarrassing. Really. I got freaked out at home so came over here where most of them are away, just sis and niece 1 left. Bloody great firework display in the garden of the pub round the corner, loud bangs, had to breathe through them, talk myself down. Absolutely cannot bear it.

Still, here I am in lovely niece 2's room, all glam and lovely and with a small chihuahua hiding on the bed under her dressing gown, thinking I can't see him, but snoring quite resoundingly. Cat on the windowsill behind the curtains.

I can't get on the nano site from the laptop though as I forgot to bring (or even look at) my password. I did the thing for a new one but the site has slowed to a crawl as November is currently arrivin around the globe. That was when I got here about six hours ago and there's still no email. America's nowhere near starting yet either. I shall still wait till midnight before writing anything. I'm cheating rebelling by writing a non-fiction book, but a) so are plenty of others and b) I shall make quite a bit of it up, so it's not exactly true either and c) I shall abide by all other rules. Honest.

The cat has come down from the window sill and is now cleaning her arse on the pillow next to me. Quite thoroughly. She seems a massive creature, much bigger than Bob and twice the size of poor wee Rusty, the bloody chihuahua.

xxxx

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11:25 p.m. - 31/10/2009

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