annanotbob's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Bad bad day so far. Too much at the mercy of ... well, I don't even know. The 'distorted thinking' I guess. Too many things happening that provoke the old self-hatred. The techniques work, up to a point (catch the distorted response, identify it, challenge it, find alternative more realistic interpretation etc). But some days things just come thick and fast and I'm done before I've started. Everyone I want to call for reassurance is either at work or ill or abroad or not answering their phones or answer and fob me off pretty quick. (Though she did send a text explaining why). Want to swim but scared to drive after yesterday's near misses. Don't want to bump into acquaintances when I look like this. Not through vanity, but reluctance to face the expressions the state of me provokes. So so tired. Drifting into self-neglect again - unwashed hair body and clothes, no energy to cook decent meals, veg rotting in the fridge. Tried calling hospital but my group office endlessly engaged. I know this will pass but it's still here now and I feel deeply, deeply ashamed for being such a snivelling wreck in the face of all the luxury and safety and love which surrounds me. Vile, just vile. |12:46 p.m. - 15/10/2009 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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