annanotbob's Diaryland Diary
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If it takes all night, that'll be all right
It stopped raining so Millie and I took Marcus out for a walk. All the foliage had perked up so much after the deluge that it felt almost spring-like:
I'm going to take loads of pictures every week on my way to art class. This was my favourite today:
This is not a skills class, like the last one, but it has the same teacher and in fact this evening she said I can pick up that one again in January (when group finishes) and I'm going to do that because I loved it. Just couldn't hack it after group in the morning, especially not with my landlord there.
Anyway, last week we did collages, this week she wanted us to move into three dimensions. We were each issued with apiece of thick card and a plastic wallet containing an assortment of paper, string, tape and god knows what else, and invited to use every single bit in a 3D collage to be completed within the two hours. She showed us some things that could be achieved with the different types of paper, we explored a few possible themes and off we went. Some of us.
I really struggled. I didn't want to have to think, I just wanted instructions I could fall into, but that's not what this class is about. I looked at the pile of stuff and it just made me want to cry. Blank mind, wet face, feeling useless. Urgent desire to go home and just watch the fucking telly and smoke joints, but instead I went outside for a fag, then came back in and just cut things quickly and folded them and stuck them and got more and more anxious, reaching for that place where IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, because it doesn't, Jesus woman, this is meant to be pleasure. It took me a long, long time but I made it for about the last twenty minutes. Blimey. I look so chilled in the woods with Marcus this morning - I don't know how I arrived in jittery-jumpy-land, and what the fuck, eh. I survived and made this (aerial view as I ended up wrapping the baking paper round the rest of it):
All bar one of the others selected what they wanted to use and worked around one of the themes, but me and Martine who sits next to me just stuck every single bloody item onto that bit of card somehow, she gaily, I grimly, and do you know, I thought bits of hers looked like the sea and she thought mine looked like a magic forest, so it was all good. She's a bit mental too and doesn't get out much, so when she does she's determined to enjoy it, keeping up a running stream of delighted commentary. Quite annoying but so refreshingly real that I warm to her.
I've just realised the comedy festival is on - they're bastards and don't advertise because they don't need to but I managed to get a couple of tickets to see Tim Minchin.
Sleeping pill arriving now. Yoga early tomorrow. Then I'm gonna lie down a lot.
xx
11:44 p.m. - 08/10/2009
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