annanotbob's Diaryland Diary

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The turning point

Saturday morning and she's nearly ready to start loading up the car. What I would like is to take a big handful of Valium as my entire body has seized up, but I am driving to London so best not. I haven't written much about it becasue I haven't known where to start but this is creating powerful, conflicting emotions that are doing me in completely.

I know that everyone's kids leave home, that's the whole point of having them isn't it? To make new adults. In my defence, for getting into such a state, I would like to point out that I am officially bonkers, that death and disease and loss are coming from all directions right now and that I'm scared and sad and heart-broken but have to keep it to myself as she has enough anxieties of her own, one of which is leaving her bonkers Ma to fend for herself. Last night she wasn't going to go and I had to talk her back into it.

Other than that, all good.

Deep breaths.

Laters xxx

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12:10 p.m. - 19/09/2009

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