annanotbob's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Empty-nest syndrome, fast-approaching Be careful what you wish for. Or is that just a tricksy way of admitting that you're never satisfied? Whatever. Sara and I have been getting on much better, as we've always done in between rounds of difficulty. Today we both realised that in four weeks time she will have left home. Really, gone, living somewhere else and probably never coming back for longer than a few days. I shall miss the good times with her to a degree that has probably been blindingly obvious to everyone else, but which I've only just felt as a reality. Boo hoo. And Renny moving to London too. This is big stuff. My days as a live-in mother are about to end, after thirty-one inglorious years. The assumption has been that I will drive Sara and all her stuff up there, which I can picture, but I had a sudden flash of driving away without her and that sounds very hard. I can remember her first day of school, taking her into the classroom, and as I left suddenly welling up with tears, having to rush out of the building, across the street and round the corner where I sat on the pavement, leaned up against a wall sobbing, hugging my knees, wailing, not thinking of where I was or who could see me. I felt such grief for those years that were gone and could never be lived again, and how much of them was spent fighting. She's always had a stronger will than me, but that doesn't mean I backed down without a struggle. Ah well, who knows how it will go. We do have such a laugh together sometimes, so maybe we still will. I shall have to plan carefully the time immediately after she goes - in fact as I was writing that, I decided that I'll ask Marcus to come and stay for a few days and help me shift everything around, all the furniture and pictures. End of one era, start of another. I shall need some treats. Hmmm... Sweet dreams xxxx 11:23 p.m. - 23/08/2009 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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