annanotbob's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- But when there's moonlight and music Horrid dreams at the moment, taking me to times in my childhood where I was abandoned/neglected, but with my adult perspective. At the time I accepted the reasons given why I alone of my siblings should go to boarding school and later be left behind when my family moved away, though I must have felt the exclusion on some level. I was the step child, without me they became a 'proper' nuclear family. So, two mornings running I have awoken to traces of dreams in which I have been howling, "What about me? Why does nobody want me?" Not how I want to start the day. At all. Still, group starts again tomorrow. Assertive communication, so look out, fuckers. Not you gentle reader, of course, but THEM. Meanwhile Maria and co came round yesterday and we mended our friendship, hurrah hurrah hurrah, which is just as well because we are both outwardly gobby, inwardly vulnerable, awful old bags and if we don't love each other then what hope do we have? But we do love each other so all is well. I should be at their campsite now, playing rounders with her boys, but I can't bear them seeing me all tearful and ghastly, so I'm here pouring it out instead, in hopes of catharsis. Why I love Jordan (aka Katie Price) No 173. Questionnaire in the Saturday Guardian. What is your most unappealing habit? I haven't really got any bad habits. What is your favourite word? Cunt. OK. Now I'm off to clean and feed myself and face the world on this sunny Sunday morning. Grateful for: Friends, especially forgiving friends; hope and optimism which seem to crawl back out of somewhere; supportive comments from you guys, many of whom understand me much much better than those around me; yoga class this afternoon; a leftover potato which I am going to fry for my breakfast with some bacon and eggs Have a good day xxx |11:43 a.m. - 16/08/2009 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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