annanotbob's Diaryland Diary
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The little dog laughed to see such fun
Today I have been a very good mummy and looked after myself to the best of my ability. This mainly involved reminding myself, every time I thought I 'ought' to do something, that I didn't have to do anything. I could if I felt like it, but no obligation. This was a day off.
I wrote and accidentally deleted quite a long entry last night, waxing metaphorical about these last few weeks, which reached their crisis yesterday. It occurred to me while we were on our boat trip:
something about changing the course of a big ship being a mighty effort, but I can't quite catch it again now as I'm preoccupied with having nearly run out of tobacco and the shop being closed. There was also a comparison between my state of mind and that of Shawn's mum, as played by Penelope Wilton in the film 'Shawn of the Dead'. Which I cannot recommend highly enough, if you haven't seen it.
I was meant to be driving Tony home on Sunday, but it was clear that I had an absolute lack of the concentration required for such a journey, to a ludicrous degree, so Sammie and Gavin had to come and get him. As I was operating in full guilt-mode, I promised to cook them lunch, which was also bollocks, really. No food in the house - I kept telling myself I'd go to the supermarket 'in a minute' but I couldn't think of anything I was capable of finding, let alone cooking, and in fact when they arrived I was still cowering in bed. Ah well.
We went to the pub for lunch. Sara read the second Harry Potter to Tony:
and all was peace.
Today I picked myself a nice bunch of sweet peas:
and lazed around a lot.
We've had two weeks without group, and I missed the one before due to flu. I've also started seeing R fortnightly instead of weekly, so this last bit has been extra pressure with seriously reduced support. Although by the time everyone had fucked off yesterday I was barely functional, on the plus side I did no damage to myself, to anyone else or to any thing. I remembered about self-compassion enough to not make myself try to take Tony back or cook lunch.
But today, in an empty silent house I did cook myself a healthy meal using up bits and pieces from the fridge and the freezer, all stewed together with a can of brown ale and served with my very own runner beans, fresh from the garden, from vine to mouth in under an hour. Very heaven indeed.
And tomorrow is another day, darlings.
Sweet dreams xxx
11:58 p.m. - 10/08/2009
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