annanotbob's Diaryland Diary
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Have I the right to kiss you?
Optimism unbounded:
or, stupid bloody cat. She's been after those fish for years on and off (they do officially live with Ren but come and stay quite often) and she still hasn't sussed that the lid only needs a light tap to fall off.
Ren has come back from Spain skint - I know, I was amazed myself - and I'm making him work for some cash. This is clearly better than just adding to the amount he's going to pay me back when pigs fly he can, but he's needed instructions all the way and I've ended up doing all kinds of houseworkish bollcoks. On a sunny day as well. He's now decked out on the sofa watching a documentary about The Qur'an, but my brain needs to empty stuff out, not try and put more in.
It's one of those periods when all my friends are having crises. Two people have died in the last couple of weeks at the school I used to work in, a member of staff and a child. One of my friends has responsibility for 'managing' those sorts of unexpected events in terms of supporting staff and pupils - doing it once at this stage of the school year took her right to the edge of coping, then it happened again, but worse. Another friend at the school lost a child herself and suddenly finds herself unable to maintain the stoic face she usually presents at work. Someone else has an ex-husband who has recently been charged with having illegally obscene images on his computer, which was bad enough, but now the (almost) adult daughters have found out and are hysterical.
Sara has suddenly started seeking spiritual guidance - she's made appointments with the local vicar and a Buddhist monk.
I've kind of hauled myself in - I don't know how else to explain it. It's as if me and my lunacy are normally quite diffused, spread around the place in incoherent drifts and squiggles that I can't quite get a grip on. Then when people I love need, but really need me, I can almost flick a switch, reel it all in, and operate almost like a proper person. Not for long though - my jaw is locked pretty tight already and I'm twittering about like a nutter.
Still, I've done quite a bit of painting as well:
which has been very soothing. I've painted the legs yellow and I'm going to attempt a freehand vine round them. well, a thin brown line, some pointy green blotches and some pink blotches. My hands are quite shaky, but I'm just into the doing of it and to hell with all that perfection shite.
There's nowhere at all to put the damn thing when it's finished, except out on the pavement to see if anyone will pick it up.
|9:02 p.m. - 14/07/2008
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