annanotbob's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes, it's me and I'm drunk again... Lots of loveliness today, with odd bits of angst and agitation, but a good balance, I reckon. Woke late after weird disturbing dreams and had to rush straight off for my appointment with R. By the time I arrived, I'd worked myself into a state about not having enough money for the car park and the ATM being in the wrong direction and I hadn't cleaned my teeth and I'd be late and all and all and all. I got out of the car and within seconds torrential rain poured down upon me in my flip flops and thin trousers and cotton cardie. Soaked, all at once and nothing to be done unless I wanted to miss my appointment, and no chance of that. And what do you know? It cheered me right up, getting drenched beyond caring, walking through puddles, my hair whipped out of its clip by the fierce salty wind, lashing in my face. Exhilarating. Great session with R - he's a recovered person himself and I tend to leave him feeling better than when I went in. Home again to fetch little Millie dog and discover lots of parcels and goodies for me from all over the place. Lovely. When I started to write it seemed there had been a lot more than that today but if so, it's all vanished from my mind. I'm building up to writing to the landlord to try and renegotiate the rent. Well, I might be. It has been recommended to me, but it seems an impossible task. I get quite a lot of it paid, but not all and I could move within this area to a similar place that would be cheap enough, as rents have fallen. That would be a big hassle, so I'd rather stay here. For the landlord I'm a good tenant compared with students as I'm long term and they move a lot, so he doesn't miss any rent nor does he have to keep cleaning and mending for new tenants. But it still feels like manipulative blackmail and I can only imagine writing so cravenly that he'd laugh in my face. Or hate me forever more, instead of being somewhere between indifferent and quite liking me. I bought a card that said 'happy fucking birthday' a while ago as I though it was funny, but gradually realised that actually, I'm never going to send it to anyone on their birthday. Marion has been having an awful time at school, so I changed it to 'happy fucking Tuesday' and posted it to her at school. I thought it would make her laugh, but now I'm worrying that someone else might open it, a secretary perhaps, or it won't make her laugh, just piss her off. Too late now. I was meant to be making dinner tonight - well, I did make dinner, but when I was getting Sara's veggie quiche thing out of the oven I dropped it on my foot and burned my toes. Nasty - I screamed and yelled but found I can still get my creaky old joints to move - my foot was in the sink and under the cold tap in no time. A goodly sprinkling of lavender oil and all is well, but bloody hell, that hurt. Tomorrow my new pal T is going to join the recoverers/nutters swimming/hugging session, which I feel a bit anxious about, but B and T - oh no, two Ts - anyway, they're all neurotic but delightful, so it should be OK. Grateful for: People still coming to me for support and me being able to give it - who'd have thought it, eh? My duvet, so warm and snuggly on a dark and stormy night; having Louisa stay for a few days - she is a top girl; Hil sending me an Ani di Franco cd - how fab to still find music that thrills like that; my reef flip flops that grip well in the rain Pleased about: inviting T swimming
ps the title of this entry is from 'Open the door, Richard' but I could only find the Count Basie version which has 'late again' - the Louis Jordan one is much more fun 11:04 p.m. - 07/07/2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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