annanotbob's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I ache in the places where I used to play Hmm. Got myself in a bit of a state yesterday, which I'd really prefer to gloss over, but I've set myself the task of documenting my state of mind here, so I guess I have to own up. I blame Leonard Cohen, frankly. If he hadn't been playing at Glasto I wouldn't have been fussed about going, but once I'd got it into my head that I could drive down and catch his set, I was done for. I couldn't get past the maybe I will/maybe I won't stage, not for more than a moment at a time. Each decision to leave was immediately followed by a wave of 'what if', some of which were neurotic, but not all. My car does have a slow puncture and the clutch is right at the top - so there were sensible grounds for not going, but in the normal way of things I'd just head off and hope for the best. So I'd decide not to go and collapse into useless self-loathing patheticness. There was a lot of pacing during this period, from room to room, up and down the stairs, you know how it goes. Finally I was driving myself so mad I decided to take a valium and put an end to it - can't drive on valium. From there it was downhill. What's the point of one valium when you can take three? And have a drink, a beer or two or more and a bit of Kahlua and while I'm in the mood, I might as well polish off the rest of the grass. Not good. Jane called me from her Mum's to see how I was and got scared, then Sam turned up and made me eat something. We decided to watch Len on telly as the beeb do pretty good coverage, but he'd apparently put in a rider that he's not to be filmed or recorded on this tour - bastard. Today I woke up feeling very small, but revitalised by the imminent return of the kids. I hate that I can't get myself going on my own account, but at least I can for them. So now it's time to clear up the debris and make like a nice mummy. |11:47 a.m. - 30/06/2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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