annanotbob's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What becomes of the broken hearted? All a bit fucked up again. My principle of saying yes to all invitations (to avoid holing up alone forever) has backfired. My sister asked me if I want to go with her to the New Forest on Saturday where Kukas, an old friend of ours, will be visiting another mutual friend. I said yes, as Kukas is one of my favourite people, currently living in Madrid and not seen for several years. But now I know I can't manage it and have been a bag of jittery shite since I put the phone down having said yes. My sister used to be my best friend, but as time has passed she is turning more and more into Ma (her mother, not mine - we shared a father). Mean, hyper-critical, endlessly making sharp digs at her husband - I don't want to sit in a car with them for hours, I don't want to be at their mercy for when we leave, I wish I'd never said yes, but I want to mend things with sis, not offend her even more by backing out now and I don't know what to do. So far walking about snivelling with my arms wrapped tightly round myself hasn't actually moved things on, can't imagine why. My brother's wife is due over for lunch in a bit and the place looks like a squat but I can't seem to get going on doing anything. Sometimes when I write here about being pathetic I stand up afterwards able to get on and do stuff, but I feel more like unplugging the phone, taking a couple of sleeping pills and going back to bed. |9:45 a.m. - 29/05/2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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