annanotbob's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me Loads of stuff rattling around in my head, all wanting to get out and be written about, so I thought I'd start with this waffle and see what popped out first. And here it is - I'd really like to thank you, those of you who've stuck with me through all this shit which seems to have gone on forever. I go on about it all here because I don't speak to many people in my life about it, because I can rarely do so without crying and I do want to keep my friends. So it means a lot that some of you are walking this path with me and I thank you. New readers - click back a couple of years and look - I'm a fucking teacher, keeping it all together. I can hardly believe it myself. Today was another one of those days - lots of stuff, most of it good but all of it draining. Doctor first - I actually remembered a couple of my physical ailments at last. She's booked me an x-ray to see if I'm getting arthritis in my hands or if it's something else. She also recommended I try anti-histamines for the swelling fingers and toes in the heat. She says it's an over-reaction, all the blood rushing to my extremities, causing them to swell and my blood pressure to go down. As that's normally quite low, I go completely useless in the heat. But, fucking hell, there's something that might prevent all that, or heal it within 30 minutes. Good. She also said that me feeling the way I do at the moment is good and that I must resist any temptation to hurl myself back into being Strongmummyanna for anything other than brief periods when it is absolutely necessary, as this openness is a chance to do some real healing and find much better ways to live with being me. Later I had to see H, my CPN at the hospital, to discuss whether some of their 'Tier 2' stuff is appropriate. Thank god she thinks it is and had more or less already decided that and brought the forms to do a brief history, which is the first part. We only did one section of it today, about my employment and education - I have to see her again next Friday for the rest and to do some personality/current state of mind/something else inventory. I tell you, hearing it coming out of my mouth in summary form, there's been a big pile of shit I've clambered over in my life. I don't know quite how I reconcile that with the belief that I've always had a bit of luck on my side, to help me through the hard times, but hey, I'm mental. Anyway, this tier 2 will be two or three groups a week plus homework for several months. H wants me to do one of the tier 1 'educational' groups first, to get me familiar with their way of doing groups. I'm going for 'problem-solving' as I've had it with anxiety-management for now. She talked about everything getting worse before it gets better. Great. It'll be a couple of months before I get started and I'm really looking forward to it. A bit of guidance and direction - brilliant. In between those two appointments I had my benefits meeting. It looks like I'll be getting almost all my rent paid and the council tax, but again I have to go back next week to complete a claim to have it back-dated. I don't care about getting the rent back-dated so much as the council tax - I don't want to have to pay all that, over 2 grand. So, all good stuff but knackering. I also got a parking fine because the bloody ticket fell off the (filthy) windscreen, and somehow managed to drag myself into town to lodge an appeal. The place is heaving with festival goers - the hip and happening of all ages, cluttering up the pavement wherever you go. I've only got the Jarvis Cocker songwriting gig to go, but I'm thinking I'd like to see some comedy. Gina Yashere is on next week Grateful for: Wishing you all a great weekend xxx 10:09 p.m. - 16/05/2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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