annanotbob's diary

annanotbob's Diaryland Diary

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Tuesday

I'm tired. After all that work in the garden yesterday, I couldn't get off to sleep, then woke at seven thirty and went straight down the shop for the paper, thinking it was mid-morning. Last night I didn't put the vile contraption in my mouth that stops me grinding my teeth, and woke up with the beginnings of jaw-ache again. Not much, but exactly how it started before, so it means I have to keep wearing the fucking thing. It feels disgusting, shameful in some way, to have to wear this device to stop me destroying my own body while I sleep. Yeah, yeah, melodramatic, but that's how it feels.

I didn't go to art class. I'm in one of those places where I can cope with my friends and with complete strangers, but acquaintances are too much. All small talk gone, just hovering a few inches above the pit.

Didn't go swimming with the recovery lot either, as counselling was at the same time, but to keep myself in the group after missing two weeks, I've invited some of them round for tea. Well, only one so far, but I'm gonna call the other two tomorrow.

Grateful for:
1. Not needing a coat or even a cardie - the heating's off, it's nearly midnight - I reckon we might have seen off winter at last.
2. Maria being lovely on the phone
3. Little Bobcat - I feel quite warmly towards her tonight. Such a forgiving wee soul as I'm often a bit mean to her - not hurting or anything, just pushing her away. Memory of a goldfish is the more probable explanation. I'm also pleased that I've got her back on the dried cat food after her total corruption by Mrs Nextdoor with her 'just a little bit of chicken'.
4. Flip-flops
5. Songs with lines like '...pal around with democratic fellas named Jack':