annanotbob's Diaryland Diary
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Happy Thursday
Today has been full of good things, but before we get started I think we need a little music that gets the right vibe going. Yes, it's the Alabama 3 - don't you just love the Alabama 3? I was going to put on a different track but just now was the first time I'd heard this one in ages without simultaneously watching Tony Soprano driving home. Well, fucking hell, this is a great song. It's not about the bloody mafia - that came later. It's about the day an abused woman picks up a gun, about the worm turning. Not that I'm recommending that, you understand, but anyway, bung this on and I'll tell you the rest of it
I'll start at the end though. I saw my counsellor this afternoon and, as always happens these days, I walked in all scrunched up and vulnerable and emerged an hour later, head up, with a swing in my step. He drew my attention to this change as it occurred during the session and we talked about how to sustain that mood on leaving him - what/who brings me down and who/what doesn't. He'd recommended this book a while ago, saying it was the one that clarified everything for him (he's an ex-addict in his early 60s, twenty years clean) on his own journey.
Well, you know me, I'm not in a position where I feel like turning down any sensible offer of a helping hand along the way, so I got it and started reading it. I've only just made it past the rationale as the first section on how to make changes stopped me dead in my tracks. It speaks to me, this approach, with its blend of buddhism, the familiar 12-step recovery and who knows what else, but it's not for rushing through. Today it was really useful in helping me look at the people in my life and how I respond to them - ach, I went off to watch Eastenders there and I've lost the vibe of all that.
These blogs are weird - on the one hand this is my diary so I'll write what I fucking want and if you don't like it you can piss off, but on the other hand I'm aware of at least some of you who read. I know that some of you are also struggling to find a more peaceful and productive way of getting through the day. To you I say, give this book a go - I think it's worth it.
So. I went to the art and crafts for nutters group at the hospital this morning where I met a lovely woman and spent a happy half hour making a collage. We talked about music, I said I liked the Alabama 3 and SHE TOLD ME THEY'RE PLAYING IN THE FESTIVAL!!! The week after next, oh my god, I could hardly get out of there fast enough, down that hill:
and onto the internet to get me a couple of tickets. Yee haw, woo hoo and fuck me o'riley, I'm gonna see my favourite band in a big old marquee, just down the road. I had no idea who I'd ask to go with me, but I mentioned it to everyone I had dealings with today. People were interested but Jane went, 'Ohmygod, did you get tickets, tell me you got tickets!' so she's the one. I'm going to smoke a MASSIVE amount of grass to get myself well and truly into that groove - ah my hips are saying already.... sighs of anticipatory pleasure...
So that was nice.
There have been all sorts of other nicey-nicey, strokey-strokey type things things today - I admit it, I need lots of strokes and for a while I'm going to be hanging out with the folks who give them to me, but for now I must head for bed as I'm going to court tomorrow with darling Louisa. It's all about debt and there's no convincing her that they can't slam her into jail for her inability to pay it all off at once - well there is, but only for a few minutes at a time, so my role is to keep her feet on the ground and try and stop her making wild promises she won't be able to keep. I'm gonna take my knitting as I predict another good few hours of plastic chairs, noticeboards and ancient copies of Readers' Digest.
Grateful for:
1. Feeling dancey
2. Dinner out with Ren and Sam
3. Sara went to the doc and had an anti-tetanus jab. She's fine, though with a nasty, scabbity bruise and is very touched by all your loveliness.
4. Also today, I met the psychiatrist whose care I'm under, officially at least, who was kind and respectful and assured me that I will return to what she described as my previous 'high-functioning professional and personal self'. Meantime, double the prozac. It's been a big day for mental health professionals and me, so tomorrow I'm just gonna tit about. Louisa is the ideal companion - this will be our first outing without Sara. I will remember to stay within the bounds of Good Mummy-ness, at least till we've dealt with the court-case.
5. I can (just about) see the beginnings of the flip-flop line on my feet.
Night night, sleep well xxx
|9:15 p.m. - 01/05/2008
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