annanotbob's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Woke up this morning feeling fine Another day, another mood swing. Sara didn't come home last night, which was peaceful. I want to text her and see where she is, but I'm having a 'let the kids grow up and achieve some fucking independence' phase, so I won't. She'll be 25 next Saturday, so although she still lives with her ma, she is in fact a woman and is allowed to stay out all night. That doesn't quite convey the grudgingness I feel, which is probably a good thing. Anyway. This morning I have managed to get back into reading the book my counsellor recommended Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw. I'd read section one, the rationale, no problems, just a lot of yes yes yes, this is me, woo hoo etc. Ha. Section two: healing. Hmm. There's a sentence that sums it up nicely: Intellectualising about our problems is complex but easy; doing something about them is simple but hard. No shit, Sherlock. But I'm giving myself a day off today, a day off feeling what I'm feeling. It will be fun and I'm gonna try not to clench my jaw, honest. Sarah C and Michaela are coming up, which is cool as all three of us are shaky mcflaky, but I am not going to play mother. That's my only promise to myself. I am going to cook dinner, a casserole with jacket spuds and green veg that takes ten minutes prep and then no hassle, so no need for anxiety about that. I'm going to drive us way out of town to a beautiful plant nursery that also sells antique and hand-made garden artefacts. We will smoke spliffs and giggle and sing badly in the car. This is my plan. Now I'd better go and buy some food. Back later xxx 10:37 a.m. - 27/04/2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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