annanotbob's Diaryland Diary

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Not funny, nor clever

For the record, like. Droopy as fuck. Don't know how to be, feel disconcerting disconnection between my body and my mind. Have taken far too many (prescription) drugs this week, due to jaw, now resulting in headache due (I think) to excess of paracetamol which the bastards put in with the codeine.

I've done a very small amount of gardening, about forty minutes, but spread over about eight hours. I'm totally unable to translate the advice from CPN to 'let yourself be, let yourself feel what you feel, stop trying to 'pull yourself together' all the time,' into a manageable frame of mind or plan of action. Even for the next fifteen minutes.

I'm not good at weekends, and especially not good with sunny days. The expectation of pleasure crushes me to my knees.

Ren sent off for his full criminal record as he wants to do a further degree in law, with a view to becoming a human rights lawyer. It arrived today - fourteen pages. The law society does allow for the fact that good people can go off the rails for a bit, so long as it's nothing too serious, but fuck, fourteen pages.


I'm grateful:

for the long gap between now and Ren's last court case;
for a body that doesn't really hurt anymore;
for not having anything serious to complain about (though you'll have noticed that doesn't stop me);
for having my sweet peas planted up at last;
for not being the old bloke in front of me in the shop at 8.45 this morning. I was getting the paper, he was buying two cans of special brew (hideously strong beer), a small bottle of vodka, 20 fags and a packet of king-size Rizlas. Happy not to be doing that any more.

Night night

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11:01 p.m. - 26/04/2008

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