annanotbob's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am calm and confident. I am calm and conf I wrote a huge, long, moaning, depressing entry last night and as I was sitting here struggling to come up with some things to be grateful for, Louisa asked if she could check her email and deleted the whole bloody lot. Probably serves me right, so I shall try and be more positive tonight. I am going here for my holiday, so you can see why I'm traumatised. Actually I do feel OK about it tonight, but I've been desperately wanting to cancel, whilst knowing that this is just a symptom of the disease. Horrid, head going round and round in circles, wanting so much to just hide under my duvet and never try and do anything brave again. Knowing that this is going to be fantastic - a medieval village just north of Rome, yoga, massage, swimming, walking, Jane, books, writing... So I have not let myself bottle out, but if you could have seen inside my head you'd have thought I was being sent to the salt mines for ten years hard labour instead of a dream holiday. Anyway, I have stocked up on recommended books, including Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now, as recommended by boxx9000, which I know I already have and presumably will now be able to find, so let me know if you want it and I'll send it along. Also Women who Run with Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, which two of my fellow 'recoverers' have been reading, quite coincidentally. They were both really fired up about it today and I could see that it had indeed led them to making contact with 'the power of the wild woman' - if their behaviour in the swimming pool changing rooms was anything to go by - fab. I also booked tickets for mother-funkers, a women's club night at an amazingly camp ballroom just over the hill from here. To be sure I have something else to Hurrah, good news! Just had a phone call from Marcus and at last he's got another job. He's been working in one of the Brighton hospitals, but as they're so poorly paid he was given a 'key worker' flat - a beautiful flat - but bloody miles away and completely inaccessible by public transport. He's been amazingly resilient, in his new drug-free persona, keeping his head down, sleeping either here or at his mother's and only going home on his days off. He's applied for loads of jobs in hospitals up there, masses of bloody jobs, but there's always been someone with exactly the right experience. Till now. He's leaving HIV and going back to dementia, but it's only three miles from his home, so all round fabulous news. Though not for the HIV guys, who will miss him. I don't know if I'll have internet access while I'm away, so this may be the last post for a week, depending on how tomorrow goes. We're taking Millie up to Jane's Ma's and sleeping there, as it's near the airport and our flight is very early Thursday morning. I still have to get some euros and some reefs (flip-flops) as my last ones died and it may be too warm for Uggs. And stay calm. Maybe make a list or two - that's always a good plan. I am grateful for Sweet dreams dear friends xxx |9:22 p.m. - 08/04/2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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